How To Date A Romantically Challenged Swordsman
by KimuraMinami
Summary: A sequel to "A Beautiful Mess" . Is Zoro a lousy boyfriend? Read and find out :P
1. Chapter 1

How to date a romantically challenged swordsman

***A sequel to "A Beautiful Mess"***

**I got this idea while I was writing "A Beautiful Mess" and now I've decided maybe it's worth writing out.**

**Disclaimer: Last time I checked, I still don't own One Piece. And I'm not happy about it.**

* * *

It had been the third bunch of red roses appearing on Robin's nightstand within this week. Nami decided she was going to say something about it.

"Um, I don't know, maybe you should give him a chance." She mentioned offhandedly one night when Robin was probably in one of her best moods—translation: reading a hard-covered book by the bedside lamp while sipping coffee from her favorite mug.

"?" The older woman lifted her eyes from the book she was reading, giving her roommate a questioning look.

"C'mon, we both know what I'm talking about, Robin ne-chan~" Nami addressed her roommate sweetly with a sly smile plastered on her features. "Your secret admirer isn't that much of a secret."She pointed a finger at the roses on their shared nightstand.

"Oh." Robin nodded. Besides that her facial expression didn't change a bit. After a short (could be considered as thoughtful) silence, she opened her mouth again. "Well, I guess I appreciate the gesture."

"And?" asked Nami expectantly.

"And there is a chance I might have appreciated it more if he hadn't plucked all the unblossomed ones." The older woman smiled back gently as she always did. "You should come take a look at my flowerbed some time, Nami san. It is now...uh, sadly in disarray. "Upon the last two words she let out a small sigh.

"Eh~~~that's it?" Nami whined through a pout, not satisfied with Robin's obscure answer. "I think what Franky did trying to impress you was sweet! Well, it _was_ completely idiotic," with a slight roll of her eyes she continued, "But! If you really think about it, it was also kind of romantic, wasn't it? I mean, at least he tried!"

"I see your point." with a polite but absent reply Robin shifted her eyes back to her book, intending to bring an end to their conversation. However, she heard Nami make a small noise through her throat indicating that she was not done talking yet.

"You know, Zoro never brings me flowers, or anything of that kind." Nami said, trying to sound as unconcerned as she could be, which brought an amused smile on Robin's face.

"I'm sure Swordsman san has plenty of other ways to show that he cares about you."

With a shrug of her shoulders, Nami reluctantly agreed. "Yea, I guess. I already know what I'll be dealing with before I dive in. If I ever wanted that sort of stuff, I wouldn't be seeing _him_, right? You have _no idea_ how hopeless he is in that department!"

Robin just smiled her usual graceful smile and was quiet for a minute. She had the feeling that Nami was fishing for her comment on the matter so that the young girl could carry on with her complaint about her boyfriend's lack of romantic ideas. However, the intelligent dark-haired woman didn't think she was in any place to intervene. Instead, she suggested in a slightly teasing tone: "Well, _I_ can bring you flowers if you like, Nami san. Who says girls can't be sweet to each other from time to time?"

"Thanks Robin. That's indeed very sweet of you~ But you know me—" Nami responded wisely, giving the older woman a witty wink. "I prefer cash."

The two women giggled quietly to each other before they exchanged tonight's "oyasumi"*.

Before she turned off the light, Nami spared another glance at the nightstand. Honestly those roses weren't perfect to look at. Most of them were yet to blossom while the others had shown signs of withering. And the fact that their container was a 2 liter coke bottle also contributed to the clumsiness.

So maybe Franky did suck at being romantic, Nami thought, but again—he tried. She let out a silent sigh as she pulled the sheet over her head, gradually drifting off to sleep.

0-0-0-0-0

Zoro never doubted that Ussop was a diligent worker when it came to weapons, or as in his own word, "dazzling inventions of Great Captain Ussop's". However, it did surprise the swordsman a little when he discovered that the long-nosed boy had stayed up for three nights in a row seemingly hasty to finish upgrading Nami's weapon, namely, Clima-Tact.

"Oi, what's with the rush, Ussop? Did she threaten you again?" Ever since their relationship became known to the crew Zoro couldn't help feeling responsible whenever his girlfriend bullied any of their crewmates.

"Nah."Ussop shook his head, "I just want to finish this before her birthday so that I don't have to actually BUY her a present."

"Her _birthday_?" Zoro managed to repeat in a way that made the word "birthday" sound like it had just been invented. "When is that?"

Ussop stared back in disbelief. "_Seriously_, Zoro? You're telling me that YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S BIRTHDAY?"

"I—I do know! ... I just didn't remember!" the swordsman argued, embarrassed by Ussop's reaction.

"Alright~~ tell me when it is." The long-nosed boy asked with his arms folded in front of his chest.

"…tomorrow?" Zoro took a shot.

"Wrong! It's the 3rd of July, which is in three days." Ussop shook his head again. "I can't believe this…"

Zoro hung his head to look at his own feet. Now he felt like a lousy boyfriend and the feeling was enhanced by the judging look Ussop was busy giving him. Damn it, why hadn't that woman said anything?

"Okay there's still time. What should I do?" he asked Ussop.

"_Really_? Do I have to teach you _everything,_ Zoro?" the long-nosed boy rolled his eyes, but was flattered by the pleading quality in Zoro's tone, so he generously provided, "well she did mention that Sunny's going to dock at the next port in one of these days. So why don't you take her ashore for a date then? You know, just take her out for a walk, buy her a present, and then go to a nice restaurant for dinner, that kind of thing."

Zoro looked back at Ussop with a blank stare. He understood that people were supposed to receive presents on their birthdays but—

"Why go _out_ for dinner? Why can't we eat here? I'm sure that love-cook would prepare a feast for everybody since it's Nami's birthday."

"Yeah, cuz that's exactly what you want—your rival outshining you with his marvelous cooking talent on your girlfriend's birthday." Ussop sniffed sarcastically.

Zoro gritted his teeth. Ussop was right. As long as they stayed in the ship Sanji would never stop fawning over Nami. It was already bad enough that he had to put up with that ero-kappa ordinarily, but on Nami's birthday? No, not gonna happen. He_ was_ going to take Nami out, at least one night away from the obnoxious flirting of the love-cook's.

"Thanks, Ussop. That helps." After roughly patting the shorter boy on the shoulder, the swordsman turned to leave.

"Doesn't it always?" Ussop grinned proudly behind him.

0-0-0-0-0

It didn't take long before Zoro realized that there was a huge flaw in Ussop's suggestion—

He didn't have any money.

He couldn't afford presents, fancy restaurants or any of those things. And there was no way he could ask Nami to pay for them without getting himself killed.

Alright then, minor readjustment had to be made. He just needed a more cost-effective birthday plan that could go with…well, 0 beli.

The swordsman was walking thoughtfully past the fore deck when Luffy's cheerful voice stopped him.

"Yo, Zoro~~!" The captain was lying prone on the lion's head of Thousand Sunny with his rubbery arms and legs dangling. He grinned at his first mate, suggesting enthusiastically:" Wanna play hide and seek?"

Zoro was going to brush him off by saying "don't have time for that" but then something hit him. "Uh, Luffy? I was just wondering: did you prepare anything for Nami's birthday?" the rubber boy was usually as broke as the swordsman himself, so maybe he could be a source of inspiration.

"Yes! I've got a big surprise for her!" Luffy exclaimed gleefully, sitting up." I asked Brook to write her a song! There might be some panties mentioned in it, but Brook assured me it's gonna be classy and tasteful! And it is!"

A giant sweat drop appeared on the swordsman's forehead. He highly doubted the perverted skeleton's understanding of "classy and tasteful", let alone Luffy's.

"…you know what? Never mind, Luffy." He responded, his mouth twitching.

"No wait—it gets better!" Luffy hastily ensured him. "And then I made up this little dance to go with the song so that we can perform in front of Nami! Isn't that great? Shishishishi~~! Oh I don't know why Sanji and Ussop turned me down but I've convinced Chopper to dance with me! Oh Zoro you wanna join too? It's gonna be _awesome_! We can let you lead since you are her boyfriend!"

The captain kept rambling on without noticing that the more he said, the more the swordsman's face had blanched.

"…does it include any chopsticks in nostrils?" asked Zoro in a plain tone.

"Of course it does!" Luffy exclaimed in excitement. "It won't be my dance without my best move!"

_Of course it does._ Zoro nodded. _Fair enough._ He seriously didn't know what he was thinking asking _Luffy_ for advice.

"…this conversation never happens, okay? Just forget that I said anything." he warned the rubber boy and then strode away, leaving a whiny Luffy uttering "Ehhhhhh?" behind him.

0-0-0-0-0

So he had no other choice—Zoro reminded himself for the seventh time before he went up to the library and knocked on the door.

"Yes?" A deep feminine voice answered.

Zoro pushed the door open, uneasily tightening his grip on the door knob as he met eyes with the blue colored ones of the ship's archeologist's.

This was going to be awkward, but screw it. He was doing this for _Nami_.

"Ano…this may sound a little…actually, the thing is…" he stuttered. "The thing is, I uh, I need some cash."

"Oh, I see." Robin nodded knowingly. She could read the uneasiness on the swordsman's face and decided it was quite amusing.

"A bunch of flowers, a wrapped gift and reservation for two for the best restaurant at the next port—knowing Nami san I'm guessing 15,000 belis would be adequate, what'd you say, Swordsman san?" the dark-haired woman listed fluently without batting an eye.

Zoro could only stare with wonderment. Damn, did she know everything or what?

"Uh…15,000 is good."

"Let me get my purse." Standing up, Robin gave him a motherly smile.

Zoro couldn't help feeling like a 7 year old asking his mum for pocket money for the first time in his life. For a second he really thought he was going to die of sheer embarrassment. However, the proud swordsman still managed to stutter out a barely audible "thanks" when Robin placed the money in his palm.

"I'll pay you back as soon as I have them." He assured.

"No worries. "Robin smiled. "Take your time, Swordsman san."

"What is the interest then?" Zoro asked.

"Why?" this time Robin couldn't help but let out a small laugh. "There will be no interest."

"No interest?" Zoro repeated, his eyebrows quirked. He couldn't believe his ears. "But that orange head loan shark charges at least 300%!" Call him a masochist but he just wasn't used to women being so nice and kind to him!

"Well, I guess that's why we both like her so much." Robin concluded before walking him out.

"Have a nice date. I think Navigator san will be thrilled if she knows you are doing this for her. And yes, this conversation is between us."

The door closed in front of Zoro's face. He clutched the bills in his fist and thought hard: No, the difficult part wasn't over.

He pushed open the door again:" Ano, Robin? I might still need your help on something…"

0-0-0-0-0

On the morning of July 3—

"Happy birthday, my dearest Nami swaaaaaaaan~~~! You look _phenomenal_ today! Now that you are turning 21, I can't help but wonder if you plan to amend some trivial mistakes you've made when you were 20—I dunno, on the top of my head, like choosing that useless marimo over your kind loving devoted prince?"

If there was one thing Zoro hated more than being woken up early in the morning, it was being woken up by love-cook's annoying voice—more specifically, the unbearable noise that love-cook produced when hitting on _his_ girlfriend.

Seriously, sometimes he just didn't get that Sanji. Was he supposed to stick a sign on Nami which read "this door is closed" to make that man stop? Why couldn't he just realize that on his own?

With this resentful thought in mind Zoro walked into the galley. Everyone else was already there. Not surprisingly, the love-cook was swirling over the whole place with pink hearts throbbing from his visible eye, while Nami sat at the dinning table, staring in wonderment at the extravagant birthday cake placed in front of her.

"It's beautiful…" she breathed.

As much as he hated to, Zoro had to admit that Sanji seemed to have poured his heart into this cake. It was a three layer cake with whip cream and marmalade on top, which again was inevitably heart-shaped. But what made Nami's eyes sparkle must be the piping on it. It was the pattern of her tattoo—the combination of windmill and mikan, exquisitely duplicated by the crafty hands of the ship's chef's.

Nami stuck her index finger out and scraped the surface gently. She then put it into her mouth. "Blueberry sauce." She smiled. "Thanks, Sanji kun. This tastes good."

"Can we cut it now can we I want the largest piece oh I'm so excited! "Luffy cheered eagerly, drooling a little from the corner of his mouth.

Ussop released a fit of cough which sounded suspiciously like "real boyfriend's thunder stolen", which earned him a pointed glare from the said boyfriend.

Zoro walked up to the table. "Would you mind?" he said defiantly as he practically bumped shoulders with a swirling Sanji who happened to be swirling in the way.

"What, shitty marimo? It's 8 in the morning and you're already asking for a fight?"

Zoro ignored him. He sat down next to Nami, secretly placing a possessive palm on her lap under the table. "You don't wanna be too full, woman. Cuz I'm taking you out tonight," he stated in a voice loud enough for the whole crew to hear. "— to get some real food for a change."

"Eh?" Nami's eyes grew wide slightly. At the meantime Sanji barked at the swordsman:" What do you mean REAL FOOD?" He was ignored again.

Zoro looked down to meet his girl's questioning gaze. "It's your birthday isn't it? Robin mentioned there is this nice little place for dinning near the port we just docked. I was thinking maybe we can go check on that."

By the time Zoro finished his sentence, Nami's surprised look had been replaced by a genuinely smiling one. So there was no mistake. This baka boyfriend of hers _was_ asking her out for a date. On her birthday. Maybe he wasn't really that insensible after all.

"Yes, I'd love to, Zoro." She nodded, smiling at him.

"Good. It's a date then." The swordsman nodded back. They locked gaze with each other for a moment longer than was necessary. Zoro didn't realize he had lifted his other hand and trained Nami's jaw line with his knuckles until Ussop cooed from the background:" Get a room~~~~" The long-nosed boy was greeted by a death stare from the swordsman and a whack on the head from the sadistic navigator.

"Can I come too?" Luffy suddenly raised his hand.

Several of his crewmates' jaws hit the floor, including Zoro and Nami's.

"Owwww! It's not super to be the third-wheel to other people's date, Strawhat-bro!" Franky pointed out what was exactly on the rest's mind. Sanji had been happy for a second but then decided it was too mean to back up Luffy at a time like this.

"But they are going to have some great food!" Luffy innocently argued. "I want that too!"Apparently Nami's birthday cake was already forgotten. The rubber boy turned to his first mate and whined: "Please~~~ Zoro? I promise I'll be good~~~you wouldn't even notice I'm there!" the boy clearly knew who was the weak link here. He didn't even look at Nami.

Zoro and Nami quickly exchanged a subtle look. They had done that enough for Nami to know immediately what exactly it meant. She cleared her throat: "Okay birthday girl request! I'm gonna need someone to babysit Luffy while Zoro and I go out tonight. Any volunteers? "

The crew instantly averted their eyes. Even Robin had managed to flee the dinning area with some (Nami thought) pretty lame excuse such as _a sudden need to_ _look up something from one of her books_.

"I can't believe you guys…" Nami inhaled, glaring accusingly at her crewmates. However, she did know there was one person on this ship who would _never_ let her down.

And she was going to take advantage of that.

"Sanji kun?" She looked up at the cook with watery eyes. "Please?"

The blond cook let out a defeated sigh. He couldn't help it. He just couldn't say no to this woman, or women in general. "Alright, Nami san. I'll watch Luffy tonight. I'll make sure he stays on the ship—just feed him constantly and I think we have nothing to worry about."

"Thank you~~you are such a live saver, Sanji kun! " Nami sing-songed while elbowing Zoro. The swordsman reluctantly opened his mouth to speak. "Uh… thanks, cook." Now he _almost _felt bad for insulting Sanji's cooking earlier.

"Save that shit, I'm only doing this because Nami san asked."The cook said turning his eyes away from the swordsman's direction.

To be continued...

* * *

**Author's Note: I didn't mean to make it more than a one-shot. But the thing is I don't have time to finish the whole story before 3 July and I **_**really **_**want to upload something in celebration of Nami's birthday. (Omededo~~~~Nami swan~~~~!)**

**Don't worry I have it all planned out. There won't be any unnecessary drama whatsoever. Next time I update, it'll be the completion of this story.**

**Note on Japanese: "oyasumi"- good night. Thank you, Purple Handprint! I can't believe I forgot to put the note in.**

**Now yelling time: R&R, people~~~Lemme know what you expect from this Zoro Nami date~~!**

**Minami**


	2. Chapter 2

It was getting dark. Nami stood beside the railing, her fingers unconsciously fumbling with the sides of her dress. She couldn't help feeling a little bit nervous about tonight's date. It had been a long time since she had dolled up for some guy. She just wished that Zoro would at least try to appreciate it.

She had picked a turquoise colored dress which she didn't remember buying in the first place and was now probably one size too small for her. She had had to hold her breath and asked Robin to zip it up for her .But it was quite worth the effort. Its strapless sweetheart neckline brought out an enticing view of her cleavage and its hemline, which fell at mid-thigh, allowed a generous part of her creamy long legs to expose.

Nami knew her boyfriend was hardly a fashionable guy and he seldom paid more attention than he had to to what she wore ordinarily. However, when Zoro finally exited his training space to join her on deck, she swore she caught sight of a heated glimmer in his eye.

"Well, what do you think?" She asked feeling somewhat shy as he walked closer to her.

"I think—"Zoro leaned in to whisper in her ear," Forget about dinner. Let's go have sex now."

"Save that thought for later, perv~" Hitting him playfully in the chest, Nami decided to take the remark as a compliment.

"And you look…the same." She frowned when she saw he didn't even bother to change his usual clothing.

"Zoro you can't go out with me like this." she informed him.

"Why?" the swordsman grabbed a fistful of the front of his shirt and placed it under his nose. "I'm pretty sure I bathed last night."

Nami rolled her eyes. "It's a classy restaurant, isn't it? Then it must have this _really strict_ dress code! You can't just strut in there with your green shirt and muddy boots and—"she held out her finger and poked on his lower abdomen." this _OJISAN*_ haramaki!"

She grabbed his arm." C'mon, let's go find Sanji kun. You'll need at least a collared shirt and a tie to go with it."

"Hell no!" Zoro protested almost by reflex. "I'm not borrowing anything from that ero-cook!"

"Don't be such a baby!" Nami pinched the inside of his upper arm. "I'll do the talk, ok? You can just stand there looking however unfriendly you want to."

" NO." He said firmly. "You'll just flirt with him and he'll get all the wrong ideas. I hate that."

"And I'll hate _you_ if the restaurant refused to let us in just because you don't have the decency to dress yourself properly!"

They both stood there, trying to stare each other down for a minute until Zoro had no choice but to give in. It was her birthday after all. Plus it'd take way too much energy to make up if he pissed her off—_that_ he had learned the hard way.

"Wait here. _I_'ll go talk to him."

"Thank you~~you are the best!" She flashed him a honey dripped smile but Zoro knew she was just happy that she had _again_ manipulated him into doing things he hated. See? This was _exactly_ why he didn't want her to talk to that love cook in the first place!

0-0-0-0-0

Zoro watched in awkward silence as Sanji masterfully chopped off another gigantic piece of pork and threw it into the fry pan. It must be Luffy's dinner, he thought absently, finding it hard to vocalize his intention as the cook's back was facing him.

The cook must've known he was there for quite some time. But the guy was either too absorbed in his cooking ritual to acknowledge his presence or he was just ignoring him on purpose.

Okay, just ask him nicely. How hard could it be? Even Sanji could be reasonable at times, right? Zoro encouraged himself and cleared his throat. "Oi, cook."

He was ruthlessly ignored.

"I need a favor." He went on, raising his voice a little bit. "From you."

Sanji's movement seemed to stop for a second but immediately resumed.

"And as my nakama I think you should grant me this favor."

This time he got a fairly sarcastic "Oh really?" from the ship's chef.

Zoro was starting to get annoyed. Apparently asking nicely wasn't going to work. And Nami was still waiting for him outside. He needed to break this stupid cook. Quick.

"Maybe you are just jealous that Nami chose me over you." Deciding to try a different approach, Zoro mentioned in a casual tone.

Sanji immediately spun around. "Who's jealous, you shitty asshole! It's not like you guys are married or something! Just you wait, she'll come around and realize I'm the right guy for her—and dump you like yesterday's trash!" he yelled, shooting daggers at the swordsman. "And what the hell are you still doing here, huh? Don't you have a stupid date to crawl to?"

"I can't go without _proper clothing_." Zoro admitted, quoting Nami." That's why I need one of your shirts, and probably a tie to hang myself with."

"Yeah, why don't you just go do that?" Sanji snorted.

"Come on, cook. Don't get carried away with your jealousy. Just gimme your shirt."

"ARE YOU DEAF?" Sanji was furious now, waving his cooking utensils at the swordsman. "I said I am NOT jealous of you didn't I!"

"Well prove it." Said Zoro with a shrug.

0-0-0-0-0

Zoro was starting to think maybe he _was_ a negligent roommate. He had literally lived in the same cabin with Sanji for more than two years, and yet he'd never noticed—

"Damn! These are a lot of shirts you have there, cook!" He stared at Sanji's locker wide-eyed.

"Well, unlike _somebody_, I do believe that a real gentleman should always keep himself decently dressed so as not to disgrace the eyes of ladies."

Zoro had a pretty snarky comment going halfway through his throat, but decided to swallow it back. After all he still needed a shirt from this curly-brow peacock.

He grabbed the one hung closest to his reach. "Thanks."

"Put that back. That kind of tawny doesn't compliment your skin tone." Sanji commented, sneering at the swordsman. "Are you color blind or something? You do know your hair is green, right?"

Honestly, Zoro was more confused than offended. This might be the first time he had heard some _guy_ say "skin tone". Since when did men care about looking good when they dressed themselves?

Sanji strode over, expertly located a pearl blue button-down shirt along with a black satin skinny tie from his locker. He threw the items onto Zoro's face. "Try not to disfigure my shirt with those fat lumpy arms of yours and do wash it before you give it back—TWICE. You hear me?" With that being said he turned around.

Zoro narrowed his eye at the back of the cook's blond head. First talking crazy shit about choosing the right _shirt _color and now avoiding looking at him when he changed? Hmpf…weird. If it wasn't for the fact that the cook was always drooling over some woman; he might even look suspicious, as if he were into…men.

"I hope you know, marimo." With his back towards the swordsman, Sanji began in a serious tone." I still haven't wrapped my head around this whole you-deflowering-Nami thing, but I'm trying to make my peace with it. You are one lucky bastard to have won her heart and we both know she deserves much better than a brute like you. So if you ever try to hurt her or make her cry, I swear I'll—what the hell are you doing?" Sanji looked over his shoulder, only to see a desperate Zoro busy strangling himself with the tie he just gave him.

"That's not how _normal_ people make a tie knot, you stupid marimo." Sanji let out a heavy sigh as he walked to the swordsman's rescue:" Sometimes I seriously don't get what Nami san sees in you…you are just hopeless." he tugged on the wide end of the tie with one hand and grabbed Zoro's collar with the other.

" Close your eyes." He commanded.

"WHAT?" Zoro was almost scared.

"I can't fix it if you are to stare at me like the idiot you are!It's too weird!" Sanji barked.

An awkward atmosphere rose as both men realized how close they actually were right now. Zoro could basically make out the smell of tobacco in Sanji's breath. Stupid cook was right. It _was_ weird. The hair on the back of his neck stood out as he warily asked: "If I do close my eye, you ain't gonna kiss me are you?"

"WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU! " Sanji snarled, shoving his green haired friend away." GET OUT!"

For the first time in his life, Zoro got kicked out from his own cabin and he seemed in no place to protest.

0-0-0-0-0

Nami laughed for a whole minute before she fixed the tie knot for her boyfriend.

"There. You look pretty." She lovingly patted his cheek.

Zoro grumbled something under his breath. He didn't like it when she called him pretty but he didn't mind the way she was touching him. "Can we go now?" he said gruffly.

Nami put her arm through his and grinned. "Sure, sweetie~"

He chose to ignore the name she was calling him. She knew he hated it and he knew she just did this to mess with him. "I hate this shirt. It's too tight. That cook should really try working out a little more…" he mumbled as they walked towards the jackladder. A disembodied hand grew out of the railing and waved at them.

"Hey, it's Robin~~" Nami observed.

"Have a good time, Navigator san~ Swordsman san~" a mouth cracked open in the middle of the hand's palm and said.

"Just when you think she can't get any creepier…" Zoro visibly shuddered for a second and grabbed Nami's wrist. "C'mon, let's go."

To be continued...

* * *

**Author's note: Okay I lied. I still haven't finished the whole thing. Just got back from a short trip and wanted to update something anyway to express my undying love for ZoNa.**

**Sorry for the Zoro Sanji awkwardness. I do not ship ZS but sometimes I make bad jokes about it. Just couldn't help myself. :P**

**Japanese Note:**

**OJISAN—uncle. But you already knew it.**

**Haramaki is ofter used for middle-aged or olderly people for the purpose of keeping warm . Even in one of Oda's SBS a reader teased about Zoro wearing Ojisan stuff. So it isn't a crime I made fun of him on this, right?**

**Last but not least, I WILL finish this before Zoro's B-day. It's a promise. R&R, guys~~~XD**

**Minami**


	3. Chapter 3

**Warning: Some serious awkwardness on Nami's part.( Sorry Nami~)**

* * *

About an hour later, the young pirate duo arrived at the restaurant Robin had made reservation for them. Slightly different from what Nami had in mind, it was a nice cozy place with tasteful but not too costly decoration. There was a chance that she might overdress herself a little.

The receptionist at the door smiled apologetically at them. "I'm sorry, Sir, but there is no reservation under the name of Mr. Roronoa Zoro or Miss. Nami."

Quirking an eyebrow, Nami gave Zoro an "I told you so" look. On their way here they had had this little discussion during which she had insisted that a reservation should always be made under an alias since they were world infamous pirates with high bounties, while he had argued that was unnecessarily overcautious.

"Try Marimo." Nami advised the receptionist.

"Oi!"

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but I can't find any reservation using the name _marimo _either."

Now it was Zoro's turn to shoot back an "I told you so" look. "Just in case you haven't noticed, there _are_ nice mature people in this crew who never make fun of my hair color, like Robin." He said quite confidently.

Nami stuck her tongue out at him. He thought it was very silly and yet he couldn't help reaching out his hand to roughly ruffle her hair.

"But I do find a reservation for 'the Roronoas.' "Interrupted the receptionist politely."Do you think this could be yours, Sir?"

"…I'm sorry WHAT?" Nami thought she was having hearing problem. Her face reddened as Zoro cursed quietly:" Stupid Robin."

"Um…yes, I guess that's us." Zoro admitted to the receptionist, uneasily scratching the back of his head. When he saw Nami's blush, he quickly added:" Just to clarify, I'm not going to propose tonight."

Still stunned, Nami gave a slight nod of her head in response. To be honest, the idea hadn't even _once_ crossed her mind before this moment. They'd only been seeing each other for several months after all. It was way too early for them to have that talk and they were both too young to even consider it. However, what she couldn't explain was the slight sense of disappointment that was now gradually welling up inside her.

This was stupid. Why was she even feeling this way? Nami inwardly cursed herself as they were led to their table.

They sat in heavy, awkward silence. Nami hastily took the glass of water on the table and started gulping the cool liquid down just so she could be occupied with something—anything, while Zoro uncomfortably reached for the menu in an attempt to hide his face behind the black leathered cover.

He knew exactly what had caused this. That stupid remark—"_I'm not going to propose tonight. _"Damn, where the hell did that come from? Instead of all the sensible retorts in the world he just had to bring _that_ up and ruin this moment.

He had wanted tonight to be perfect. He'd wanted to see her smile, to spend quality time with her and to make sure that by the time they returned to the ship this birthday girl would be so happy and content that she could think of nothing more to ask for.

And yet he failed. Moronically. Even before this date had technically begun. Zoro cleared his throat, feeling that a clarification to his previous clarification was strictly in order.

"Nami. I—"

"I'm starving! Let's order, shall we?" she cut him off shortly, snatching the menu from his hand in a swift motion. Her face lit up into a big forced grin.

Zoro bit back his speech. It wouldn't be a good one anyways. And he could tell by the way she was flipping through the menu pages that she was_ upset_.

"Excuse me~" Nami gestured the waiter over, who was an average-looking young man in his mid-twenties, dressed in a black swallow-tailed coat and having ridiculously over pomaded hair.

"Good evening, Ma'am. May I take your order?" He bowed towards Nami, his eyes lingering on her enticing bustline for a second longer than was appropriate.

"Yes, I'd like to hear tonight's special." Nami smiled up at him. "And also, today is my birthday. "She said in a suggestively slow tone.

"Happy birthday. It is my supreme honor to be serving a charming lady on her special day. By the way, you look breathtaking tonight. "The waiter complimented, totally ignoring Zoro's existence. "How would you like some uh, dessert on the house?"

"Oh?" Nami's pouty lips formed a little "o" with feigned surprise. "That's very generous of you~~but truthfully, I was thinking something more…ya know." She winked at the man, a saccharine smile plastered on her face, "I'm sure a nice gentleman like you wouldn't mind knocking off some extra coins from our bill."

Zoro certainly didn't like the way his girlfriend was batting her eyelashes at some greasy haired stranger, but what truly angered him was that the waiter's eyes seemed to be very inappropriately glued on Nami's cleavage.

"Oi, stop staring." He growled.

The young waiter was slightly taken aback by Zoro's unfriendly outburst. "I'm sorry, Sir, but I'm afraid I didn't quite follow you."

"I said, STOP. STARING. " Zoro repeated, stressing every word. One of Nami's pointed heels jabbed into his instep under the table as she tipped him the wink— "_I got this_", but the stubborn swordsman refused to take the hint.

He shot the waiter one of his most threatening looks. Normally it would send a grown man on his knees begging for mercy; however, it turned out that this particular young waiter was either completely ignorant, or he had some real guts.

"Sir, I'm afriad I don't quite care for the tone you are accusing me." he said, still managing to maintain his polite wording." if you continue to talk this way, I feel obliged to cease my service to you."

"Suits me fine." The swordsman's scowl darkened. Through clenched teeth he demanded: "Send someone who won't be drooling over my date's cleavage like a pervert as you are. Or do I need to gouge your eyes out before you go?"

"Easy, Zoro. "Nami hissed, kicking him under the table again; but her attempt to appease the swordsman was abruptly halted when the waiter, who apparently flew into a rage out of the humiliation, suddenly raised his voice—

"Hey, it's not my fault that your date is a scantily-clad tramp!"

Nami inhaled, completely taken aback by the groundless insult. But before she had time to jump up and give the waiter a piece of her mind, one of Zoro's fists had already collided with the man's face with a loud bang.

The force sent the man flying straight across the room, crashing a table and its guests as he landed awkwardly on his back, smashing all the dishes and glasses in the vicinity. Nami couldn't even tell it was red wine or blood that was now cascading down the man's forehead.

"ZORO—!" She screamed, but her voice was barely distinguishable among all the horrified shrieks from other female guests. She rubbed her temple and sighed in exasperation: the only thing that mattered at the moment was that she gotta stop Zoro before he drew out his swords and made things _really_ bad.

0-0-0-0-0

"This is ALL YOUR FAULT!" Nami accused, accelerating her pace down the forest path. The night's silvery moonlight outlined her angry form. With all her orange locks flustered around her face, she looked like she was almost literally on fire.

Zoro silently followed her, but kept a distance between the two of them since he didn't wanna be too close when she was being deafening loud.

"I was putting myself out there trying to get us some discount and you just had to get jealous over nothing and destroy the whole place without a care of how much it'll cost us to compensate! Geez, would it kill you to play along _just for once_ when I take care of things my way? I should've just left you there to do the dishes for them for the rest of your life, you know! " Nami believed that she had every right to be mad because of the sad, irreversible fact that she'd just paid 20,000 belis to cover the destruction Zoro had caused to that restaurant and to buy them out of a possible lawsuit. "Oh and for your information, mister, I'm not sleeping with you tonight!" she shouted angrily.

Great, withholding the sex—ever since Nami discovered that he didn't really care how much money (she insisted) he'd owed her, this had been her new favorite punishment to him. Zoro muttered something profane under his breath before he spoke up. "You've gotta be kidding me, woman. Was I supposed to sit by and watch when you flirted with that jackass?"

"How dare you! I _didn't_ flirt with him!" Nami yelled looking over her shoulder.

"Yes you did." Zoro insisted, his stance unwavering. "And I think I know why. Look, I'm sorry I said that stupid thing about not going to propose, but still that doesn't justify your flirtatiousness. If you wanna get back at me, do it some other way."

"That is—that is _so_ not true!" Nami stuttered, her face flushed due to the mixed feeling of anger and embarrassment. She knew how she sounded right now—miserably in denial. The main reason why she had been unnecessarily friendly to that waiter was just like he said: she _was_ upset and hoped a little harmless flirting could one-up him.

But he didn't have to point it out for her! The fact that he was able to see through her façade so easily only added to the irritation. Deep down inside she was almost scared that Zoro actually knew her _this_ well, sometimes even better than herself.

"Shut up, I'm done talking with you!" she snapped, choosing to ignore how unreasonable and childish she must sound at the moment. "Can't you walk any faster? I wanna go back to the ship and sleep off this stupid date! "She hastened him as she picked up her angry pace again.

Zoro could feel the veins on his forehead pop as he balled his fists along his sides. This date had officially sucked. He had successfully pissed her off AGAIN and he wasn't too happy about her either. A part of him really wanted to yell at her for being such a difficult bitch but he couldn't bring himself to do so—today was her birthday, after all.

On the other hand, he couldn't help but notice that she seemed unusually edgy tonight. Why was she in such a hurry to go back to the ship? Normally it should be him who often had to stop and wait for her when she was in that pair of 4 inches heels.

"Wait—"he strode several steps to catch her, grasping her wrist firmly. "What's_ really_ going on, woman?"

"Nothing. Just keep walking and stop trying to talk to me! "

"NAMI." He stressed.

Nami shuddered at the mention of her name. The warning quality in his voice always made her shudder. Most of the time Zoro was quite tolerant when she was being unreasonable, but that was because she knew when to stop.

"Look, I really need to go back to the ship like NOW, okay?" she confessed in a hushed voice, as if fearing someone would hear her in the midst of a desolate forest. "I drank too much water when we were in that restaurant…I really have to _go_."

It took Zoro a few seconds to digest what she really meant by "I really have to _go_ ". As the information sank in, a low chuckle rumbled from his throat. He looked around briefly and suggested with a shrug. "You can pee here. It's just you and me."

"What—NO~~~~!" Nami's face turned extremely red as she protested. "I will NOT pee in the wild like an uncivilized person!"

Still amused, the swordsman raised one eyebrow: "So you have no problem making out in the woods but you can't pee in one?" He was talking about earlier when they were on their way to the restaurant, this woman had suddenly tugged him by his tie and pressed his unprepared form into a trunk to stuck her tongue down his throat—not that he was complaining, on the contrary, he rather liked it when she was being spontaneous.

"Stop making fun of me!" with one of her wrists in his grip, Nami still managed to hit him with her free hand.

"Ite…I'm just providing a feasible solution, ya know. "Zoro said matter-of-factly, eyeing her high heels which had made contact with his instep more than once in that restaurant. "It'll take at least another 20 minute to get back to the ship—probably 30, with that pair of shoes."

"Thanks, that's a relief to know." The response Nami gave him was dipped in sarcasm.

"You are wasting your time. C'mon, just do it here. "He hastened. "I'll stand guard. No one will see you."

"_You_'ll see me! That's _someone_!"

"I won't peek. Okay?" Zoro grunted impatiently as he closed his good eye to show her he was fully intended to give her all the privacy she needed.

Nami chewed on her bottom lip and glanced around her surroundings, trying to fight back her self-consciousness. She didn't know why it was so difficult for Zoro to understand, but the last thing she wanted was to have her _boyfriend_ around when she was about to do something so private. It was just too embarrassing.

But apparently her boyfriend didn't think so. He just made it sound like it was the obvious choice given the circumstance. And as much as she hated to admit, this wasn't something she could easily hold back for another 30 minutes. Nami released a defeated sigh as her eyes spotted a shrub along the path. Okay just pretend that is a semi private washroom—she thought to herself.

"Cover your ears; I don't want you to hear me going!" She barked to Zoro as she walked towards the shrub. The swordsman muttered something sounding suspiciously like "what a troublesome woman", but did as asked.

Several seconds after—

"Roronoa Marimo Zoro." Nami 's voice rose from behind the shrub.

"Oi! What the hell did you middle-name me for?" the swordsman almost jumped at the uncalled-for insult.

"That was a test and you just failed. I told you to cover your ears, baka. NOW DO IT!" her accusation came yelling to his feint covered ears. Zoro gritted his teeth and thought she couldn't possibly be any more unreasonable, until he found he was sadly mistaken.

"And as your punishment, you'll have to sing for me while I'm…on it." Nami demanded.

"WHAT?"

"You heard me. I want you to be my Otohime*."

"NO!" This was way across the line. Zoro felt his hands twitch as he was trying hard not to reach out to strangle her. "I can't sing!"

"Yes you can. I overheard you humming in the shower the other day. Now either you start singing for me, or I'll tell the crew you sing like a little girl when you sponge yourself under the shower nozzle."

Her threat came in an overly sweet tone. For a second Zoro felt like he was dying on the spot. This woman was pure evil! However, after some serious thinking and a vivid mental image of ferociously murdering Nami, the swordsman decided that he'd better surrender now before that sadistic little brain of hers created any more idea to torment him.

"…alright." He sighed. "I'll sing. Can you go pee now? _Please?_" With his ears covered and eye closed he started humming a tune. Maybe it was one of Brook's violin tunes which had invaded his head due to the skeleton's diligent practice—he really didn't give a damn.

A small smirk formed on Nami's lips as she listened to the swordsman's reluctant humming. Zoro actually had a nice voice. He would even make an equally outstanding singer as Brook was if he wanted to—She thought to herself and smiled wider.

And that murderous look on his face just made him look cuter, if that was possible.

"I love you Zoro." Nami whispered. Normally a confession like this would send him falling over with his face planted in the dirt. They hadn't said the L word to each other yet. So ears really covered. She smirked again, this time for his adorable honesty.

After taking care of her business Nami walked out of the shrub, poking the swordsman in the back.

Zoro turned around, opening his good eye to see her blushing madly as she murmured in an almost inaudible voice: "That didn't happen…you_ have to_ forget about it or I'll die."

"That's ok. I'm still quite fond of you." The swordsman laughed and reached out one hand to ruffle her hair. Nami might act like a crazy bitch sometimes, but she's _his_ crazy bitch—so nothing he couldn't really put up with. "Let's go. It's getting late."

"Carry me back to the ship?" she requested.

"NO." he rejected. "You just made me_ sing_ for you, woman. No more birthday girl request."

"But these shoes are killing me~~!" she whined.

"Urgh, you are so spoiled." He managed to say it in an annoyed tone. But several second later he found himself squat down and show her his back.

"Hop on."

0-0-0-0-0

"…Can you believe him? He just _had to_ make a scene and have us kicked out —it's my birthday for God's sake!"After returning to the ship and retreating to the girls' cabin, Nami hastily briefed her roommate about today's chaos. (A certain interlude in the woods was left out, for some obvious reason.)

After the younger woman finished her complaining, Robin lifted one hand to cover her mouth as she chuckled quietly. She wanted to point out that Nami was actually happy that her man had stood up for her in that restaurant, but the mature woman decided that today's quota for teasing her crewmate had been used up.

"I'm terribly sorry for that reservation joke I made, Navigator san. I hope it didn't cause you too much trouble." she apologized politely.

"That's okay." Nami said waving her hand, "even without that I'm sure Zoro would've found some other way to be stupid and annoying. Now, first things first—"her hand reached out to the nightstand where lied her purse. "How much does that idiot owe you?"

"Oh? You know it was me who lent him the money, then? "Now Robin could hardly contain her amused smirk.

"C'mon, who else could it be? The boys are all broke."

"You don't have to pay me back, Nami. Consider it my birthday present for you." Robin smiled.

"Oh, that's so generous of you but—" Nami was interrupted by a knock on the door. She hopped off the bed and walked to the threshold. When the door opened she saw her boyfriend standing there. He had changed back to his old boring green shirt. There was a slightly awkward look on his face.

"Uh… can I talk to you for a sec? " When he felt Robin's curious gaze on them he quickly added. "Alone?"

Nami sighed and dragged him by the hand to the front deck.

"What?" she asked, somewhat impatient.

"It's just that I forgot to tell you…" Zoro paused to scratch the back of his head. "Happy birthday."

Nami face lit up to a genuine smile. "Thanks, Zoro. I had a good time."

But as she turned to leave, the swordsman reached out to grab her wrist again. "Wait."

"What—oh alright~" Nami rolled her eyes but stood on her toes briefly to give him a quick peck on the cheek. "G'night."

"It's not that." he growled.

"Then _what_?"

"It's uh…" Zoro's tongue darted out to wet his lips before he finally spoke up:" I love you too, "Nami's eyes widened at this. "And I love that you said it first."

"You…" she inhaled. And before he could register what had happened, her angry fist was crashing into his face. "YOU DIDN'T COVER YOUR EARS YOU SICK PERVERT!"

"Ite…" Zoro had to bend down to doge another round of her attack as he tried to justify himself. " Well I had to make sure you were safe! What if some bear showed up and attacked you?"

"There was _no bear_!"

"Stop it crazy woman! I just said I love you and that's how you reacted?" With that he earned himself another punch on the nose bridge. Shit, it really hurt. If she hit their enemies with half the force she hit him, she'd be the Pirate King by now!

"I'm starving~~ that stupid restaurant kicked us out before appetizer. Do you have any idea how much strength it takes to hit you?" Nami whined after shaking her fist to loosen up the sore knuckles. "Come on, Zoro. Let's go dig up my birthday cake."

"I'm not sure if it's still there, cuz…you know."

0-0-0-0-0

When they entered the kicthen, they found Luffy bend over the sink with his head buried in a now empty cake pan. Upon hearing their steps the rubber boy lifted his head to greet them merrily: " Zowo…Nabi…You're bag!" he was having a hard time pronouncing his crewmates's names correctly as he made efforts to swallow the mouthful of cake he had just stuffed in.

Zoro and Nami exchanged a look—that was a "why I'm not surprised" look.

"Well look on the bright side, at least he has learnt to eat over the sink." Mused Nami.

"Yes I have!" Luffy nodded eagerly as he swallowed the cake down his throat. " Sanji said I can eat whatever I want as long as I eat it over the sink and quit bugging him!"

"I knew we couldn't trust that curly-brow." Zoro laughed. "Seriously, worst nanny ever!"

"Who are you calling a NANNY, you shitty swordsman?" just then the door was kicked open and the blond cook barged in. He had a light blue shirt in his hand and he was waving it angrily. "I said 'wash it before you return it' didn't I? Now it smells _just like you_ and it's disgusting!"

"It's disgusting you said?" Nami's nose wrinkled as she pulled out her best puppy look. "But Sanji kun, I think it kinda took on my smell when Zoro gave me a piggyback home."

"It smells HEAVENLY, my dear sweet Nami swaaaan~~~I'll never wash it again!" It never ceased to amaze Zoro how quick Sanji was able to shift mode from irritation to blissfulness. He watched in speechless amazement as the cook hugged the shirt tightly into his chest and swirled around in the middle of the room.

Three minutes passed by. Sanji was still twirling in circles while Luffy, again with his head in the sink, had begun to lick the remaining cream off the cake pan.

"Do you wanna go have sex?" Nami asked Zoro, a bored look on her face, "They wouldn't even notice we're gone."

"Yeah, why not." Zoro shrugged.

-The End-

* * *

**Author's Note: Yay! Finished! Way before Zoro's B-day!**

**Hope it's funny, at least…Well, not much to say except for: R&R, my dear readers~~~! You've always been so sweet to me so why stop now? :)**

**Tell me what you wanna read next, I'm collecting ideas for my next ZoNa fic. **

**Note on Japanese language:**

**Otohime— Music Princess. It is a device designed for ladies who think the sound of urination is indecent. They would play the Otohime to cover any undesirable sound they make in the washroom.**

**See ya next time. XD**

**Minami**


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